I mean, 4yo-accidentally-finding-the-adult-toys-drawer curious 🙈😂 Ask questions like there’s no tomorrow:
– I’ve been hearing less from you in recent months and I’m feeling a shift in our connection – do you want to explore this together?
– You don’t want to be affectionate with me in public – tell me more about that.
– This doesn’t feel like a consistent connection to me – how do you understand consistency? (I see.. This is how I understand it.)
Radical curiosity = Zero judgement + ALL THE FREAKING QUESTIONS.
No more ‘understanding by default’ which is prioritising people’s experience of a situation over your own (time to bin your PhD on everyone’s triggers and needs 😉)
No more feeling hurt about imbalances in the connection. This is not about your worth o how much they value you, imbalances are just a mismatch of ‘wants’, intention and effort (they either can be aligned or they cannot 🤷🏻♀️)
No more simplistic language like ‘clingy’ or ‘avoidant’ that reduces the complexity of people and relationships to one-dimensional behaviours.
From now on, recognise that we all have the right and the ability to reflect on our experiences and clarify the way we’re showing up for each other. The zero judgement conversation, the questions, will tell us if we are a good fit for connection.
Not willing to engage in the conversation? Then we already know this is not a good fit – girl bye…
(Oh, the amount of pain I would have saved myself if I had embraced radical curiosity sooner.)
Photo by Josh Mills on Unsplash
