My focus on connection and authenticity has brought me a lot of joy in the past year, but also a lot of loss in terms of relationships in my life… I’m now more cautious, and I’ve started to accept that many of my connection needs will never be met by other people.
And with some grief from that realisation has also come a powerful revelation: I refuse to repress or minimise those needs, and I won’t take any half-ass efforts to meet them (not even from myself). So here I am, stepping up the way I’m showing up for myself, and – OMG!! 😱😱
I’m learning what happens when I wholeheartedly step into different roles (parent, friend, partner), take all the relational skills I practice with other people and apply them to my relationship WITH MYSELF. The sense of safety, acceptance, affection and support I’ve been experiencing recently.… 🤯 The feeling of being WHOLE 💖
Today I went for a check up to the dentist (normally a bit stressful after some traumatic experiences), and I felt unbelievably calm and clear-headed. Like I was holding my own hand 🤝
Would you like to try? For it to work, you really have to BELIEVE that you are that person.
Here are some ideas:
– If you feel your younger self hurting, stop and think: what would a gentle but encouraging parent say and do? Say it. Do it.
“Oh, you put so much effort on this and it hurt they didn’t value it. It’s OK to be sad – let’s sit with ‘the sad’ for a while, and then find something that helps you reconnect with joy too, like going to the swings!” (Go to the swings) or “I’m glad you’re enjoying your biscuits, but three is enough. Tomorrow more :)”
– Missing a close friend but nobody is available? You are your best friend today: what’s the plan? What are we doing to make this a moment to remember?
“Let’s get lunch somewhere nice and explore a local museum!” or “Craft evening and crazy stories podcast, are you in?” or “I dare you to speak to the person in the table next to yours 😈” (Follow through)
– Oh, but what about the support, romance and intimacy of a present partner…?
The courage you don’t have to defend yourself, you find it when you imagine someone attacking the ‘you’ that is your partner: “Eh, no – you’re not talking to her like that”. Or “Let me witness and hold you fully. Let me gaze into your eyes (mirror) and remind you of all the magic you bring to the world” 🥰
(Remember that you need more than one type of connection in your life.)
Sounds insane? Fine! You go ahead with your very sensible way to support yourself and I honestly hope it works for you 😉 I’ll be here with my very ridiculous method for making the most of my “one, wild and precious” life… 😊
Open to try the wonderful and weird? Great! Go have a play in the internal connection playground and let me know what you find out 🙃
I’ll share the second thing I’ve learned from this ‘season of loss and encounter’ later this week. See you then!
19/11/202521/11/2025
